put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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