im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
