at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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