That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
