I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
