69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
