I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
