I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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