im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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