this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
