My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
