I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
