my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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