i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize