i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
