on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
