Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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