matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
