I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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