Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
