What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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