Cold hands, warm shart.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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