no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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