More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
