yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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