I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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