This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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