Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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