Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have already put on my inside pants.
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