textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
