this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
