Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
