I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
