they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
