maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
