Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
