Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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