I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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