So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
