u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
