No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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