She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
