Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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