atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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