I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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