My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
