I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
