Small penises have feelings too.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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