Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
