I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
