it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Vodka?
Forever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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