Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There r osticjed everywhere
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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