I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
