There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
