oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize