That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
