So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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