Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize