Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
