Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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