Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
