Im at strip club and am horny
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
