i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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