booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
