and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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