She's JV to your varsity
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
