I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
