considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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