I hate your face
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
