Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
