Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
