that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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