I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
