DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
