Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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