I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
