We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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