You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize