Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
