Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
