oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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