i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
