what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
