The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
