ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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