Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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