I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The struggles of a small town man whore
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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